Journal

I have a crush on her. It feels weird to admit it. It’s nice to feel it, though. But of course, it’s wrong, for a number of reasons.

I’m in a relationship, for one thing. But it’s kinda nice, honestly, to feel those feelings for someone else; it makes me think about what I have, and how I wouldn’t want to give it up. It does also make me think about whether there is room for crushes, in a healthy relationship. Can it strengthen the relationship somehow? It feels unlikely to do anything but cause disinterest on one side and jealousy on the other. How would I feel, if she came to me and told me she had a crush? Threatened, yes. Jealous, yes. Could I find it in me to have any positive feeling about it?

My crush is also someone I am in an authority position over, which adds to the taboo.

I only ever see her through a screen, but I could stare at her smile for hours, or even just listen to her voice.