Some running thoughts on sex.
In my experience, the physical sensation of penetrative sex for a guy is pretty lackluster. The first thirty seconds or so feel good, and I might be able to drag that out longer by going slow, but once I start going fast, a lot of the sensation is lost.
In its standard incarnation, by which I mean my understanding of the culture’s view of generic sex (accumulated via porn watching, media depictions, and my experiences, sexual and otherwise, with others) there isn’t a whole lot interesting that goes on on the guy’s side. Some oral sex to start, maybe, but everyone’s waiting for penetration, at which point the man pumps away in ecstasy until he cums, often far too quickly. This view never made much sense to me. The physical pleasure of penetrative sex lasts, in my experience, for about thirty seconds, at which point things get desensitized. At that point, it’s emotional pleasure that takes over as the thing I’m seeking, and the thing that will make me cum.
It may be the case that this is the same for many women. Plenty of women don’t find penetrative sex pleasurable; many even find it unbearable. Yet this narrative is known, and I think we, as a culture, are sympathetic to the idea that many women just don’t like penetrative sex. I don’t feel we have that same understanding around men, though. Maybe you refute the idea that there are men who don’t get much from penetrative sex; let me be your first example.
The image of a man in sex is often just him pumping away. At times, receiving oral, but mostly just pumping away. Rarely will you see other forms of stimulation. From something as simple as a handjob and some dirty talk—one of my favorite, if not my favorite, sex acts—is rare. And more exotic things like anal stimulation are completely out of the question. For example, toys are, for women, prevalent and even empowering, but seem completely distasteful when applied to men. The image of the fleshlight or the sex doll come to mind—nothing like the sleek, sexy vibrators marketed to women.